Psalm 4:6-8

Read:
Psalm 4


¹ Answer me when I call, O God, defender of my cause; *
you set me free when I am hard-pressed;
have mercy on me and hear my prayer.
² "You mortals, how long will you dishonor my glory; *
how long will you worship dumb idols
and run after false gods?"
³ Know that the LORD does wonders for the faithful; *
when I call upon the LORD, he will hear me.
⁴ Tremble, then, and do not sin; *
speak to your heart in silence upon your bed.
⁵ Offer the appointed sacrifices *
and put your trust in the LORD.
⁶ Many are saying,
"Oh, that we might see better times!" *
Lift up the light of your countenance upon us, O LORD.
⁷ You have put gladness in my heart, *
more than when grain and wine and oil increase.
⁸ I lie down in peace; at once I fall asleep; *
for only you, LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Think:

Today is our first wedding anniversary and I find myself being one of the many saying- Oh, that we might see better times!- Our first year of marriage was not easy by any stretch of the imagination.  But then again we knew it would be a challenge. The challenges we expected were that my husband would be in Pennsylvania and I would be in New York for at least a good part of our first year of marriage after his graduation in May but the reason he would be away turned out to be much more difficult than I had imagined- He wasn't away working in his chosen profession but caring for a dying parent.  My father in law was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer over the 4th of July weekend, finished radiation in October, decided not to do chemo and then passed on Christmas eve morning.  In the midst of his journey into death, I completed Clinical Pastoral Education at the VA, moved us from up town to down town Manhattan (after we had moved me uptown in January) we moved again in June and then again in December when I finished classes.  In november I also lost one of my dearest colleagues in ministry, a mentor and friends to lung cancer, and although I know he is at peace I miss him and I wish he could have been a witness/ a presenter at my ordination.

While we are still unpacking boxes in our new home after nearly a month of being here it feels like we have had a number of not so pleasant things happen in our first year of marriage lots and lots of tests to our relationship So you can see why I would want better times. 

Although now that I sit and think about it  in addition to the times that could have been better we did have some amazing experiences- starting with the well deserved honeymoon, living on the Upper West side of Manhattan behind Lincoln center, in a neighborhood we will never be able to afford to live in again.  Seeing my husband and his class a group of wonderful men and women graduate from seminary.  This winter we were both ordained to the diaconate.  Two of our dear friends welcomed their second child, a beautiful daughter named Gracie. Three more  couples conceived children 2013 will be a busy year for babies in our lives, I've said that before obviously its on my mind.  My sister got the all clear that her Meningioma didn't grow back so she is tumor free after 3 years, and she and her family are doing very well.  My other sister has gone back to school to get her second masters and I am so proud of her, and she is back to coaching swimming which is one of her passions in life so I know she is happy too.  We have our health, we have our faith, we have a roof over our heads, and my husband has a job he likes, and I have a position as a deacon which I think I am going to love and a teaching job which will keep me from going insane and Martha stewarting the house up too much.  (haha)

So while I feel like I don't want a repeat of this year Lord, I guess I wouldn't mind some of the good stuff continuing, but not the bad.  I don't want to be separated from the man i love again for any extended period of time.  I don't want to go back to the way things were this year, I want there to be a reprieve from death and distance, but I know that there wont be.   

And so I sit here remembering the anthem at was sung at our wedding :

The Lord bless you and keep you
the Lord make his face to shine upon you
and be gracious unto you
The Lord lift up the lights of his countenance upon you
and give you peace
amen

Pray:

In the midst of turmoil o Lord, help me to remember that it is not all death and distance but also life and closeness.  In the light of your countenance I ask that you give me and my husband peace in the coming year.  Amen

Contemplate:

Sitting and Listening to Music with my Husband before we leave for our anniversary dinner...