Mark 2:3-5

Read:

Mark 2: 3-5

Then some people came, bringing to him a paralyzed man, carried by four of them. 4And when they could not bring him to Jesus because of the crowd, they removed the roof above him; and after having dug through it, they let down the mat on which the paralytic lay. 5When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, 'Son, your sins are forgiven.'

Think:

Okay so Jesus earlier in this same gospel said that it wasn't the sins of the blind man or the sins of his parents that caused him to be blind, but in the presence of the crowd, he claims that the sins of the paralytic are forgiven and he should walk?  What the heck is illness/disability sin or isn't it?  Make up your mind Jesus.  Or maybe the context is more important than the message, clearly the 4 bearers of the paralyzed man had strong faith in Jesus, they were willing to dig to through the roof of the home where Jesus was in order to get him access to this miracle worker.  What would I be willing to do if I heard that someone could save some one I love?  I would be willing to do anything, anything in my power to save my husband, my sisters, my parents, my godchildren, my friends.  So too Jesus is willing to do anything to save those who he loves.  And the kicker is that he loves everyone and the double kicker is that he did, he gave his life for us.  He suffered so we didn't have to.

Today I have had kind of a martyr complex kind of day.  I fell down some steps on Monday night and hurt my knee.  I've been resting it got an MRI and am waiting to hear back from the doctors.  The physicans assistant told me to rest, ice and brace it and not to strain myself too much.  I didn't do anything Tuesday and yesterday I spent most of the day in the car, or at the dr's office, so I haven't done much, until today, and I think I might have over done it- with the stability of the brace I felt stronger than I actually was, and now I am regretting it.  But regardless, as I was doing some of the work I shouldn't have been doing today, I was thinking- why did this happen to me?  Why is God punishing me?  What did I do wrong?  I just wanted to have a week of settling in, finish the unpacking, do the laundry clean the house get ready for our first gathering in the house, celebrate our anniversary with family... But instead I tripped, on some stairs and have had to sit still for way too many hours.  I can't sleep and I get crampy and achy from sitting still too long.  I can't cook what I wanted because I can't stand for as long as I want, I can't make the bed, I can't kneel down, I can't even walk the dog (doctors orders)  But the truth is that all the while- I'm cursing God and wondering what I did that deserved this punishment but I know that this isn't punishment, but an accident.  This isn't suffering but discomfort.  This isn't sin payment but just dumb stuff that happened to me because I have freakishly small feet and an odd center of gravity, and it was dark in the theater and I didn't watch where I was going when we were walking out.

Pray:
Help me to recognize that sometimes shitty things just happen.  So that I can stop blaming myself, and stop blaming you for the randomness of life.  Help me to get over myself and be willing to break through anything crowds, roofs, or my own stubbornness to get help for those whom I love, including myself.   Help me to be more of who you want me to be.  Amen

Contemplative Prayer

Sitting here wanting to adopt a crosslegged pose and knowing that isn't wise- feeling too concrete to center myself today.  attempting 5 minutes of centering prayer.