John 3:22-36

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John 3:22-36 

22 After this Jesus and his disciples went into the Judean countryside, and he spent some time there with them and baptized. 23John also was baptizing at Aenon near Salim because water was abundant there; and people kept coming and were being baptized 24-John, of course, had not yet been thrown into prison. 25Now a discussion about purification arose between John's disciples and a Jew. 26They came to John and said to him, 'Rabbi, the one who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you testified, here he is baptizing, and all are going to him.' 27John answered, 'No one can receive anything except what has been given from heaven. 28You yourselves are my witnesses that I said, "I am not the Messiah, but I have been sent ahead of him." 29He who has the bride is the bridegroom. The friend of the bridegroom, who stands and hears him, rejoices greatly at the bridegroom's voice. For this reason my joy has been fulfilled. 30He must increase, but I must decrease.' 31The one who comes from above is above all; the one who is of the earth belongs to the earth and speaks about earthly things. The one who comes from heaven is above all. 32He testifies to what he has seen and heard, yet no one accepts his testimony. 33Whoever has accepted his testimony has certified this, that God is true. 34He whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for he gives the Spirit without measure. 35The Father loves the Son and has placed all things in his hands. 36Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life; whoever disobeys the Son will not see life, but must endure God's wrath.

Think

What a model for ministry John has set before us all.  "the one who was with you across the Jordan, to whom you testified, here he is baptizing and all are going to him" - the one about whom John's disciples speak is Jesus.  We hear a similar story from Jesus' disciples in Luke's Gospel.  These people are healing people in your name but they aren't with us.  Often times when people leave us, we find ourselves wishing we could get the credit.  In my ministry, I have found that often times youth ministry is associated with the youth pastor- it's pied piper syndrome.  They follow the leader but not the message.  Teenagers are like that, to be honest, aren't all people like that?   Don't we get attracted to a community because of a priest or a pastor, a speaker or a leader and we want to follow them.  We aren't necessarily listening to their message, we are listening to their charisma.  I've been there done that, and I have felt lost when my "leader" left.  It was only in their leaving that I was able to "jump ship" from the pied piper syndrome though, and actually follow Jesus.  John wants his followers to go after the messiah. Just as we should want our parishioners to follow Jesus.  We should want our children to follow Jesus, We should want our friends to follow Jesus.  I feel like I should want to follow Jesus more than I do.  I feel like there is always someone or something holding me back from actually, honestly, truly and completely following Jesus.  Usually its myself.  I want to be more like John who in recognizing that he has no power or authority is able to let his followers go and follow the True Christ.

Pray

Help me to be a door way to those who I teach, minister to and pray for.  Keep me from being a locked door.  Keep me from being a pied piper.  Allow me the strength and courage and determination to not get in my own way.  Through the grace of God, the love of Christ and the fellowship of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Contemplate

Centering Prayer.    

Hebrews 4:1-10

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Hebrews 4:1-10 (NRSV)

Therefore, while the promise of entering his rest is still open, let us take care that none of you should seem to have failed to reach it. 2For indeed the good news came to us just as to them; but the message they heard did not benefit them, because they were not united by faith with those who listened. 3For we who have believed enter that rest, just as God has said, 'As in my anger I swore, "They shall not enter my rest,"' though his works were finished at the foundation of the world. 4For in one place it speaks about the seventh day as follows, 'And God rested on the seventh day from all his works.' 5And again in this place it says, 'They shall not enter my rest.' 6Since therefore it remains open for some to enter it, and those who formerly received the good news failed to enter because of disobedience, 7again he sets a certain day-'today' -saying through David much later, in the words already quoted, 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.' 8For if Joshua had given them rest, God would not speak later about another day. 9So then, a sabbath rest still remains for the people of God; 10for those who enter God's rest also cease from their labors as God did from his.

Think

  Since therefore it remains open for some to enter it, and those who formerly received the good news failed to enter because of disobedience, 7again he sets a certain day-'today' -saying through David much later, in the words already quoted, 'Today, if you hear his voice, do not harden your hearts.'

I have joined the evangelism commission in the Diocese where I serve.  This commission is responsible for coming up with new and exciting ways to incite evangelism in the diocese.  Unfortunately, we Episcopalians aren't big on Evangelism, we tend to let it be done by the "evangelicals" and because we are scared of being wrong, or misunderstood or compared to someone who we are not we keep silent.  I am a big fan of evangelism- telling the Good News of Jesus Christ- if it were a facebook page, I'd like it and link to it and I'd feel I did my job for the day.  (come to think of it I bet there is an Evangelism facebook page, I'll have to see if there is a "generic" one.) Anyway this reading today reminded me that it doesn't matter how many times a person may here the good news and turn from it they always have the opportunity to hear it again, today for the first time.

It is the grace of God which allows us to repent for the sins we committed yesterday, today.  It is the blessing of a new day which allows us to soften hearts which were previously hardened.  I know that in today's day and age many people have been hurt in the name of the Church, I know that I have been hurt by the Church, but I have been reconciled.  I left organized religion at 18 and came back at 25 after 7 years of hardening my heart one day one person did not wake up and say Today is the day that I will evangelize to Kim -  but one day it happened. 

Christ sets the day before us and Paul reminds us that Today is that day.

Pray

Help me to be your voice today, O God.  Use my words to soften the hearts of those who have been wounded by the Church and welcome them into Your Church.  It is your grace which saves, not my words or actions, help me to be humble in all that I say and do today and every day. Amen

Contemplation

The Silent Drive- Today I will not turn the radio on in my car anywhere I drive.  And use this time to listen for the voice of God to soften my own hardened heart today. 

John 3:1-15

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John 3: 1-15

1 Now there was a Pharisee named Nicodemus, a leader of the Jews. 2He came to Jesus by night and said to him, 'Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God; for no one can do these signs that you do apart from the presence of God.' 3Jesus answered him, 'Very truly, I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God without being born from above.' 4Nicodemus said to him, 'How can anyone be born after having grown old? Can one enter a second time into the mother's womb and be born?' 5Jesus answered, 'Very truly, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God without being born of water and Spirit. 6What is born of the flesh is flesh, and what is born of the Spirit is spirit. 7Do not be astonished that I said to you, "You must be born from above." 8The wind blows where it chooses, and you hear the sound of it, but you do not know where it comes from or where it goes. So it is with everyone who is born of the Spirit.' 9Nicodemus said to him, 'How can these things be?' 10Jesus answered him, 'Are you a teacher of Israel, and yet you do not understand these things? 11'Very truly, I tell you, we speak of what we know and testify to what we have seen; yet you do not receive our testimony. 12If I have told you about earthly things and you do not believe, how can you believe if I tell you about heavenly things? 13No one has ascended into heaven except the one who descended from heaven, the Son of Man. 14And just as Moses lifted up the serpent in the wilderness, so must the Son of Man be lifted up, 15that whoever believes in him may have eternal life.

Think

In my "born again" days I used to love this story of Nicodemus.  I felt like I could put myself in Nicodemus shoes and completely understand this lesson.  It made me feel so good, it made me feel like I was God's little special pet child and that I could be born again through the "womb- of the father" which is a phrase I picked up in that tradition.  Now it made me feel a little sad to think that I was so haughty and proud.  To think that I was priveledged in some way to know exactly what Jesus was talking about.  I chalk it up to naivite or teenage certainty but there is something about Nicodemus.  This man who sneeks to see Jesus in the night and ask him questions, which does resonate with me still.  I find myself doing the same thing- waking up in the still darkness of the night when something is weighing heavy on my mind, or my soul is hungry for something, or my heart is thirsty for the reassuring love of God, and sneaking in a prayer or two here and there hoping that Jesus will respond with some non-cryptic answer.  Usually I am answered by the steady breathing of my dog and my husband and that is enough assurance that I am loved.  Sometimes I am answered by a gust of wind, or a howl of a neighboring dog, and I am assured that I am safe.  Often times I am answered by nothing audible but just a sense of stillness which can only be found in the Father's-womb.

(I know that there might be some people out there who have an issue with the masculine image of Father with the feminine image of wombs- I think however this is a wonderful balancing image which allows both the masculine and feminine to live together in a kind of homeostais which is found in the nature of God.- perhaps some day soon the question of language images for God will come up in my lectio practice, but today is not the day for that)

Pray

God, in you all things are created.  Through you all things are born.  By you all things are sustained.  Help me to remember that you answer prayers in the stillness of night in sometimes cryptic terms which I do not understand fully.  Give me patience to sit with the answers and begin to understand them through the vision of your Holy Spirit.  Amen

Contemplate

20 minute Yoga meditation

Jon 2:13-22

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John 2:13-22 

13The Passover of the Jews was near, and Jesus went up to Jerusalem. 14In the temple he found people selling cattle, sheep, and doves, and the money changers seated at their tables. 15Making a whip of cords, he drove all of them out of the temple, both the sheep and the cattle. He also poured out the coins of the money changers and overturned their tables. 16He told those who were selling the doves, 'Take these things out of here! Stop making my Father's house a marketplace!' 17His disciples remembered that it was written, 'Zeal for your house will consume me.' 18The Jews then said to him, 'What sign can you show us for doing this?' 19Jesus answered them, 'Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.' 20The Jews then said, 'This temple has been under construction for forty-six years, and will you raise it up in three days?' 21But he was speaking of the temple of his body. 22After he was raised from the dead, his disciples remembered that he had said this; and they believed the scripture and the word that Jesus had spoken.

Think

The Passover was appoaching and Jesus went to the temple and told them that they needed to be remodeled.
I know that this is simplified and that this is not a joke but I also think that we get our desire to remodel our surroundings when something has changed inside of us.  A few friends of mine are "nesting" in preparation for a baby, others have moved to bigger digs after gettng married or moving on to a new level of committement to one another, others have moved to smaller homes when they retired, or their children moved out or if a relationship ended and they no longer need that large of a space, but the truth is that there are some things that change when the internal landscape changes.
IN Jesus' case the internal change came when he was baptized - he had alreayd been to the temple and it didn't bother him as a child or a teenager but when we went back after he was baptized he saw things differently  
When was the last time I saw things differently?

Pray 
help me to see things the way they are meant to be seen not to be seen the way they always have been seen.  Amen

Contemplate
Sick nap on the couch probably if I can stay awake for centering prayer I will be pleased.  

Hebrews 2:11-18

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Hebrews 2:11-18

11For the one who sanctifies and those who are sanctified all have one Father. For this reason Jesus is not ashamed to call them brothers and sisters, 12saying, 'I will proclaim your name to my brothers and sisters, in the midst of the congregation I will praise you.' 13And again, 'I will put my trust in him.' And again, 'Here am I and the children whom God has given me.'
14 Since, therefore, the children share flesh and blood, he himself likewise shared the same things, so that through death he might destroy the one who has the power of death, that is, the devil, 15and free those who all their lives were held in slavery by the fear of death. 16For it is clear that he did not come to help angels, but the descendants of Abraham. 17Therefore he had to become like his brothers and sisters in every respect, so that he might be a merciful and faithful high priest in the service of God, to make a sacrifice of atonement for the sins of the people. 18Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested.

Think

In yesterday's sermon given by the rector of the parish where I am blessed to serve as deacon he talked about a friend of his from seminary who had lived in a wilderness of homelessness, addiction, and imprisonment.  Today's reading from Hebrew's ends with the sentence, "Because he himself was tested by what he suffered, he is able to help those who are being tested."

I pretty regularly get asked the question - why do bad things happen to good people?  If there is a God why wouldn't he make sure that no one suffers?  After all I do teach an Ethics class and I do wear that lovely projection screen around my neck, and my answer is usually God doesn't let bad things happen God gives us free will, after he creates us and loves us he gives us the ability to turn our back on Him.  But I am consistently struggling with this question myself to be honest.  And I say that too.  It seems like children getting shot is more than I can handle.  It seems like people suddenly dying violent and accidental ways can't be right, can it?  And then this chapter comes up and it seems like the suffering is so that we can help others who are suffering, like Jesus suffered so must we all suffer?

No wait that's backwards.  Like we suffer so Christ suffered.  He suffered so that he could understand us more fully, so that he would know how to care for us.

Have you ever tried to be there for a friend who was in a situation which you had no touch stone for?  I have and its virtually impossible to comfort someone if you have no idea what wilderness they are in.  Its like finding someone in the Amazon and offering them a parka because the only wilderness you are familiar with is the Arctic.  I'm not saying that God wants us to suffer, but suffering is part of the human condition which binds us together.  It is something very innately human.  It is the one part of existence which God came to earth to experience.  We don't hear about him getting married, having kids, settling down, having issues with the family business.  I know there are questions about if any of this may have happened (Read the book Holy Blood Holy Grail if you  want to learn some interesting theories about these questions).  But maybe the reason we don't is because those things aren't universal?

I don't know but those are my two cents for the day.

Prayer

Jesus, you suffered on the cross for my sins and the sins of the world.  Help me to remember that my suffering is not unique and that in my weakness I gain strength.  So that I might serve you in others who suffer as I have.  Give me the wisdom to know when and how to help with the guidance of the Holy Spirit. Amen

Contemplation 

20 minutes centering prayer.
(Found this really cool meditation timer page check it out)
http://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/meditation-timers/

Mark 2:18-22

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Mark 2:18-22

18 Now John's disciples and the Pharisees were fasting; and people came and said to him, 'Why do John's disciples and the disciples of the Pharisees fast, but your disciples do not fast?' 19Jesus said to them, 'The wedding guests cannot fast while the bridegroom is with them, can they? As long as they have the bridegroom with them, they cannot fast. 20The days will come when the bridegroom is taken away from them, and then they will fast on that day.
21 'No one sews a piece of unshrunk cloth on an old cloak; otherwise, the patch pulls away from it, the new from the old, and a worse tear is made. 22And no one puts new wine into old wineskins; otherwise, the wine will burst the skins, and the wine is lost, and so are the skins; but one puts new wine into fresh wineskins.'

Think

 In my first year in seminary I took a class in discernment and spirituality and we read a book called Old Wine in New Skins and to be honest I can't remember too much of the book, I actually had to look up the author's name  ( Paul D. Lawson).  What I do remember is that it was a good look at what we try to do in parishes when we introduce new "programs" and "ministries" without recognizing that our congregations have personalities and talents all their own, as well as their own weaknesses.  We aren't going to be able to start a Skiing ministry in a congregation with an average age of 82, and we aren't going to be able to have a senior breakfast in a congregation with an average age of 42, but still we try to be what we aren't.  Because we are constantly comparing ourselves to others rather than previous incarnations of ourselves.

Jesus' disciples were compared to John's.  John's disciples were compared to followers of the previous prophets and on and on and on.

What I need to do this Lenten season (and at all times) is to recognize that I cannot and do not have to be all things to all people, but I do have to be the best person I can be.  I do have to challenge myself, but I cannot treat myself as a rag quilt.  I cannot try to mix and match my talents but use all of them to the best scenario, one never knows when a learned skill will come back and be valuable.

Pray

Help me to be flexible like new wineskins.  Amen

Contemplate

Relaxing in front of the fireplace this evening.
 

John 1:43-51

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John 1:43-51

43 The next day Jesus decided to go to Galilee. He found Philip and said to him, 'Follow me.' 44Now Philip was from Bethsaida, the city of Andrew and Peter. 45Philip found Nathanael and said to him, 'We have found him about whom Moses in the law and also the prophets wrote, Jesus son of Joseph from Nazareth.' 46Nathanael said to him, 'Can anything good come out of Nazareth?' Philip said to him, 'Come and see.' 47When Jesus saw Nathanael coming toward him, he said of him, 'Here is truly an Israelite in whom there is no deceit!' 48Nathanael asked him, 'Where did you get to know me?' Jesus answered, 'I saw you under the fig tree before Philip called you.' 49Nathanael replied, 'Rabbi, you are the Son of God! You are the King of Israel!' 50Jesus answered, 'Do you believe because I told you that I saw you under the fig tree? You will see greater things than these.' 51And he said to him, 'Very truly, I tell you, you will see heaven opened and the angels of God ascending and descending upon the Son of Man.'

Think
So as priests/deacons clergy types in general we are often acting as Philip did in this story.  All Christians are called to bring about reconciliation between God and each other, but ordained ministers feel this call in a more direct way.  We think we are supposed to bring people to God.  Its part of the reason I agonize over sermons sometimes when it is really unnecessary.  But in the best scenarios we don't need to do much work because all we have to do is say something like: let me tell you about this guy I know, Jesus.  and the rest will unfold much like it did for Nathaniel after Philip spoke to him.    We hope right?  Isn't that what we hope we get out of our evangelism? 

A friend of mine is writing a blog this Lenten season about his 40 days of evangelism and I wonder if he fancies himself a Philip-follower (I wrote Philipian but that was too much of a pun).  I think that I want to be more like Philip, although often times I find myself in Nathaniel's shoes instead being reminded by people to whom I feel I am evangelizing that God loves and knows me, and he called me long ago to be his beloved child and I am the one who keeps going astray.  Sometimes I just need to be reminded that Jesus truly is the Son of Man and that I am better off for acknowledging him. 

Pray

Heavenly God, caller of all people, remind me that in my reaching out I am not spreading my word, but yours, doing my work, but yours caring for my people, but yours.  Help me to be more like Philip at times and more like Nathaniel at times and be a honest disciple in all that I undertake listening to your call in my heart of hearts and soul of souls.  Through Jesus the Son of Man and the Spirit eternal.  Amen

Contemplate

15 minutes of centering prayer if I don't fall asleep in the quiet warmth of home after a long but fulfilling day at the Renewal Assembly.  

Deuteronomy 7:12-16

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Deuteronomy 7:12-16

12 If you heed these ordinances, by diligently observing them, the LORD your God will maintain with you the covenant loyalty that he swore to your ancestors; 13he will love you, bless you, and multiply you; he will bless the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground, your grain and your wine and your oil, the increase of your cattle and the issue of your flock, in the land that he swore to your ancestors to give you. 14You shall be the most blessed of peoples, with neither sterility nor barrenness among you or your livestock. 15The LORD will turn away from you every illness; all the dread diseases of Egypt that you experienced, he will not inflict on you, but he will lay them on all who hate you. 16You shall devour all the peoples that the LORD your God is giving over to you, showing them no pity; you shall not serve their gods, for that would be a snare to you.

Think

So if I do what the Lord commands then I will be blessed.  Great. 
I'm trying.  I know lots of people who are trying.  I know plenty of people who are working 2-3-4 jobs to make the rent, to pay the  bills, to cover their weekly expenses.  You Lord made them fruitful and they multiplied but their grain, and wine and oil have not increased.    Are you going to tell me that they are faithless and you are punishing them?  I don't believe that.  I don't believe that, I don't want to believe that.  But I've heard that the faithful are those who succeed.  I grew up in New England and that "Protestant" work ethic was drilled into me at an early age, not by a strict schoolmarm but by a community which clearly believed that you should pull yourselves up by your own boot straps. 
Funny we don't wear boots with straps any more but we still use that phrase.  I digress.

If you head these ordinances, by diligently observing them, the LORD your God will maintain with you the covenant loyalty that he swore to your ancestors; he will love you, bless you, and multiply you...

We are people of law and ordinances.  We believe that if you follow the law you will be rewarded and if you break the law you will be punished.   Deep down inside I am sure most of you out there reading this understand how it feels when you do everything to the best of your ability, color with in the lines and follow the rules and still don't seem to get rewarded.  I know that I have felt and more and more often do feel this way because society tells us the harder you work the more you should get paid.  But the question of what is work and what constitutes hard work is difficult to deal with and it is certainly the state of the world today.  President Obama even talked about it in the State of the Union this week.  Women aren't paid equally to men for the same job, with the same qualifications, experience and time off.  And you can't tell me that a person who does hard labor works less than an office executive.  If you can loose your life walking into your job you should get paid more than someone sitting in an office.  Obviously I am rambling here, and I've lost track of the thought that I was hoping to make...

Oh wait, I remember- lucky for us God doesn't work on a pay as you go system.  Lucky for you and me he already fulfilled all the laws and obligations and duties that are outlined in Deuteronomy.  I don't like to look at the Old Testament and say - well we don't have to worry about this any more like some traditions have attempted to do.  I do think that the laws, the prophets and the journeys of the Israelites provide important and valuable experiences to learn from and a love of God which we need to emulate.  And we should follow the law of the LORD in all that we undertake but fortunately for us that law has been summarized as Loving the LORD with all our heart and mind and Loving our neighbor as ourselves.  It doesn't have those same guaranteed benefits in this world, those who are rich are not necessarily righteous.  Those who are poor are not necessarily unrighteous.  Our worth is not tied to our worthiness. 

Pray

O God, ruler of the universe, remind us to not tie our worthiness into our wealth.  Help us to keep from judging the haves differently from the have-nots.  Teach us to follow your law in our heart and in our lives.  Lead us to your path of righteousness.  Because we fulfill your law, not by our own will or our ability to do anything at all, but by your infinite grace and eternal love.   Through your Son who died upon the cross to fulfill the Law, and the Holy Spirit who inspired the words of the prophets we ask you to forgive us and strengthen us all the days of our lives.  Amen

Contemplate

I will sit in silence until I can't sit any more (there is some work to be done on the house and they can be here in 5 minutes or 2 hours and 15 minutes so I will take this time to be with God and reflect on what it means to obey his law).  

Psalm 37: 1-18

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Psalm 37:1-18


¹Do not fret yourself because of evildoers; *
do not be jealous of those who do wrong.
² For they shall soon wither like the grass, *
and like the green grass fade away.
³ Put your trust in the Lord and do good;
dwell in the land and feed on its riches.
⁴ Take delight in the Lord, *
and he shall give you your heart's desire.
⁵ Commit your way to the Lord and put your trust in him, *
and he will bring it to pass.
⁶ He will make your righteousness as clear as the light*
and your just dealing as the noonday.
⁷ Be still before the Lord *
and wait patiently for him.
⁸ Do not fret yourself over the one who prospers, *
the one who succeeds in evil schemes.
⁹ Refrain from anger, leave rage alone; *
do not fret yourself; it leads only to evil.
¹⁰ For evildoers shall be cut off,*
but those who wait upon the Lord shall possess the land.
¹¹ In a little while the wicked shall be no more;*
you shall search out their place, but they will not be there.
¹² But the lowly shall possess the land;*
they will delight in abundance of peace.
¹³ The wicked plot against the righteous *
and gnash at them with their teeth.
¹⁴ The Lord laughs at the wicked,*
because he sees that their day will come.
¹⁵ the wicked draw their sword and bend their bow
to strike down the poor and needy,*
to slaughter those who are upright in their ways.
¹⁶ Their sword shall go through their own heart, *
and their bow shall be broken.
¹⁷ The little that the righteous has *
is better than great riches of the wicked.
¹⁸ For the power of the wicked shall be broken, *
but the Lord upholds the righteous.

Think

⁵ Commit your way to the Lord and put your trust in him, *
and he will bring it to pass.

I try my damnedest and sometimes its just not good enough.  This isn't the way I am supposed to feel, that if I had just done X more, studied more, prayed more, believed more then God would favor me more.   But the committement to the Lord must come first.  And for me its like driving a clutch for the first time.  I though I was committed to it, I thought I had the feeling for it, until I stalled out, until I tried to drive to fast in 2nd gear, until I popped the clutch too fast and lurched to a stop, violently.  Today I am feeling like I committed to something different than the Lord, I forgot that I was driving a different car- I forgot that I was driving an automatic, God has it in gear and when I hit the clutch -I'm actually hitting the break and the seat belt slams against my chest, my head against the headrest and I am stunned about why the car did that.  Then I remember its an automatic.

⁷ Be still before the Lord *
and wait patiently for him.
⁸ Do not fret yourself over the one who prospers, *
the one who succeeds in evil schemes.
⁹ Refrain from anger, leave rage alone; *
do not fret yourself; it leads only to evil.

I should not be driving or trying to drive my car at all, if I am to be a true follower of Jesus, a true Christian I shouldn't be rushing through hurdles, or planning my future I should be sitting patiently still and waiting for the Lord.  This is what Lent is all about.  Giving up the things that give me pause, the things that cause me to downshift to shift into depression or ramp up into fretting in high gear for the things that I want so badly I can taste them.  Both of these kinds of shifts are things that distract me from the love of God, the call that God has placed in my heart.  

On this day of love- the day of St Valentine- I woke up to find myself angry and fretful not about someone else, but at myself.  I know better than to expect perfection from myself.  I know better than to desire other people's prosperity, I know better than to hatch schemes to better my position in this life.  But sometimes I fall into the traps as everyone does, imagining a future where the worries of today are no longer worries, and coming out of this day dream to realize that things aren't there yet, and possibly won't ever be.  On this day I woke up full of anger and fret and I decided to 'restart' to put myself in a place of stillness and patience- a spiritual time out.  If I am going to behave like a child, then I should be treated like a child.  Its time for that reboot. Its not about my feelings towards the people around me who appear successful, its about me, and God and no one else.  This car is an automatic. 

Pray

Be still and know that I am God.

Contemplate

Centering prayer 15 minutes

Jonah 3:1-4:11

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Jonah 3:1-4:11

Jonah 3

1 The word of the LORD came to Jonah a second time, saying, 2 "Get up, go to Nineveh, that great city, and proclaim to it the message that I tell you." 3 So Jonah set out and went to Nineveh, according to
The Word of the Lord. Now Nineveh was an exceedingly large city, a three days' walk across. 4 Jonah began to go into the city, going a day's walk. And he cried out, "Forty days more, and Nineveh shall be overthrown!" 5 And the people of Nineveh believed God; they proclaimed a fast, and everyone, great and small, put on sackcloth. 6 When the news reached the king of Nineveh, he rose from his throne, removed his robe, covered himself with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. 7 Then he had a proclamation made in Nineveh: "By the decree of the king and his nobles: No human being or animal, no herd or flock, shall taste anything. They shall not feed, nor shall they drink water. 8 Human beings and animals shall be covered with sackcloth, and they shall cry mightily to God. All shall turn from their evil ways and from the violence that is in their hands. 9 Who knows? God may relent and change his mind; he may turn from his fierce anger, so that we do not perish." 10 When God saw what they did, how they turned from their evil ways, God changed his mind about the calamity that he had said he would bring upon them; and he did not do it.

Jonah 4

1 But this was very displeasing to Jonah, and he became angry. 2 He prayed to the LORD and said, "O LORD! Is not this what I said while I was still in my own country? That is why I fled to Tarshish at the beginning; for I knew that you are a gracious God and merciful, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, and ready to relent from punishing. 3 And now, O LORD, please take my life from me, for it is better for me to die than to live." 4 And the LORD said, "Is it right for you to be angry?" 5 Then Jonah went out of the city and sat down east of the city, and made a booth for himself there. He sat under it in the shade, waiting to see what would become of the city. 6 The LORD God appointed a bush, and made it come up over Jonah, to give shade over his head, to save him from his discomfort; so Jonah was very happy about the bush. 7 But when dawn came up the next day, God appointed a worm that attacked the bush, so that it withered. 8 When the sun rose, God prepared a sultry east wind, and the sun beat down on the head of Jonah so that he was faint and asked that he might die. He said, "It is better for me to die than to live." 9 But God said to Jonah, "Is it right for you to be angry about the bush?" And he said, "Yes, angry enough to die." 10 Then the LORD said, "You are concerned about the bush, for which you did not labor and which you did not grow; it came into being in a night and perished in a night. 11 And should I not be concerned about Nineveh, that great city, in which there are more than a hundred and twenty thousand persons who do not know their right hand from their left, and also many animals?"

Think

Oh Jonah. How much I love you! How much I feel like you on many days when I feel like I have been called to do something that I don't want to do.  How much do I recognize my own anger in your anger.  How much do I want Nineveh to be saved, but in my own time and my own way not in the time of God or by the Grace of God.  Jonah wasn't even a student of self-reliance and he had this issue, what hope to do I have?   I am a lesser person than Jonah, who felt that he could run away from his calling,when he literally and ran to Tarshish.  I said I will go where ever the Lord sends me, but now that I am back in the world and out of the seminary bubble, I have caveats.  I'll go anywhere but God please don't send me to Nineveh, let me go some where that I am comfortable, but not too comfortable, not too familiar.  I'll go anywhere, but not there.  How ridiculous it sounds to only answer God's call half way.  How ridiculous does Jonah seem storming out of the city expecting God to kill thousands because that's what Jonah wants him to do.  A temper tantrum always does the trick when talking to God, right?  How often my prayers are like those of Jonah- What are you doing God?  This isn't what we had agreed on.  This isn't where I thought you were taking me with this path, I'm going to sit and pout for a while. 

Today is Ash Wednesday- Its my first Ash Wednesday in ordained ministry and I find myself very happy with how things have worked out, but I know (being the realist that I am) that my deaconal ministry will not be all comfort and shade and smiling happiness.  Not that I am wishing this to be a period of great suffering for me, but I pray that when things do go off course, off my course, awry that I will remember Jonah.  And recognize that I am appointed, as well as the tree and the worm not to do my will, but the will of God, and I like the people of Nineveh need only seek repentence and it will be granted, because God is not like me, God is not like Jonah, God is God and he will give grace according to his will, undeserved and undeniably.  Today I remember that I am dust and to dust I will return. 

Pray

God, help me to remember that I am not you.  Remind me when I skulk out of the city to complain that things aren't going my way that you will shelter me for a time, but you will also send me back into the world to act as your servant.  I recognize that I am appointed, as all baptized members  of your body to do your will in the world, to follow your path and that sometimes I won't like it.  Give me strength to follow the path even when the heat of day and scorching wind feel oppressive.  Give me strength to get up from my ash pile and witness your love for the world.  Through Jesus Christ your Son and the Holy Spirit your Worldly presence.  AMEN

Contemplate

Continuing the coloring I started yesterday- Mantra- Here I am God do with me as you will.   15 minutes

Isaiah 52: 1-12

Read

Isaiah 52: 1-12

1 Awake, awake, put on your strength, O Zion! Put on your beautiful garments, O Jerusalem, the holy city; for the uncircumcised and the unclean shall enter you no more. 2Shake yourself from the dust, rise up, O captive Jerusalem; loose the bonds from your neck, O captive daughter Zion! 3For thus says the LORD: You were sold for nothing, and you shall be redeemed without money. 4For thus says the Lord GOD: Long ago, my people went down into Egypt to reside there as aliens; the Assyrian, too, has oppressed them without cause. 5Now therefore what am I doing here, says the LORD, seeing that my people are taken away without cause? Their rulers howl, says the LORD, and continually, all day long, my name is despised. 6Therefore my people shall know my name; therefore in that day they shall know that it is I who speak; here am I.
7 How beautiful upon the mountains are the feet of the messenger who announces peace, who brings good news, who announces salvation, who says to Zion, "Your God reigns." 8Listen! Your sentinels lift up their voices, together they sing for joy; for in plain sight they see the return of the LORD to Zion. 9Break forth together into singing, you ruins of Jerusalem; for the LORD has comforted his people, he has redeemed Jerusalem. 10The LORD has bared his holy arm before the eyes of all the nations; and all the ends of the earth shall see the salvation of our God. 11Depart, depart, go out from there! Touch no unclean thing; go out from the midst of it, purify yourselves, you who carry the vessels of the LORD. 12For you shall not go out in haste, and you shall not go in flight; for the LORD will go before you, and the God of Israel will be your rear guard.

Think

Their rulers howl, says the Lord and continually, all day long, my name is despised.  Therefore my people shall know my name; therefore in that day they shall know that it is I who speak: here am I.  
The people will know the Lord by the defamation of his name.  I know how this is painted with a Christological brush that the name of Jesus was like grit in the mouths of Herod and Pilot and those who ruled over Israel in the first century.  But think for a moment about how the name of God is besmirched in our own era, how the name of God is associated with acts of destruction and violence and judgement, how those who don't know God personally believe that God is a violent, vengeful, rage filled being.  I have been asked countless times why God would do such evil and hateful and disturbing things like "letting" someone kill someone else in the name of God, or letting a city get flooded, or some one freeze to death.  How often do I myself use the name of God to talk about an act of extraordinary power or stupidity.  OMG!  What kind of picture am I painting for those around me, and why then am I surprised when I tell people that I believe in an omniscient, omnipresent, omnipotent being who is benevolent beyond the normal understanding of Loving, do I get confused when I see blank stares as reaction.
They know the Lord because of how the leaders speak of him.  We know God because of how we speak of him.  I never really understood the - "Don't use the Lord's name in vain" statement until recently.  I thought that I wasn't supposed to call upon the Lord unless I wanted to pray or praise his name.  In reality it is probably less like a pocket dial or a wrong number, and more like this:  Why would anyone want to love a God who is violent, who is vengeful, who is responsible for the actions which I attribute to him when I exclaim in frustration or disbelief.  Oh My God!

Pray

Dear Lord, Help me to be a leader who does not besmirch your name but describes the many blessings of this life with praise and thanksgiving reminding those around me in all places and at all times that you are not a force to be reckoned with but a being to be loved.  Amen

Contemplation 

15 minutes mandala coloring-   I feel the need to do some active contemplation today

Mark 7: 31- 37

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Mark 7: 31- 37 (NRSV)

31 Then he returned from the region of Tyre, and went by way of Sidon towards the Sea of Galilee, in the region of the Decapolis. 32They brought to him a deaf man who had an impediment in his speech; and they begged him to lay his hand on him. 33He took him aside in private, away from the crowd, and put his fingers into his ears, and he spat and touched his tongue. 34Then looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, 'Ephphatha,' that is, 'Be opened.' 35And immediately his ears were opened, his tongue was released, and he spoke plainly. 36Then Jesus ordered them to tell no one; but the more he ordered them, the more zealously they proclaimed it. 37They were astounded beyond measure, saying, 'He has done everything well; he even makes the deaf to hear and the mute to speak.'

Think

Then looking up to heaven, he sighed and said to him, "Ephphaha" that is "Be opened"... Today is one of the last days of the Epiphany season.  According to the church calendar on Wednesday we begin our season of Lent and this is a time when we give up sweets, salts and fats to remind us that although we may be rich in somethings we are poor in spirit. But I've found that in recent years Lent has been a period of great change for me, one year it lead to the end of a serious relationship, another my sister got engaged, another I got engaged and I find lent perversely to be my favorite season of the year a "thin time", a time to be open to the changes which the Holy Spirit guides us towards year round, day in and day out but only very rarely do we allow ourselves to be open to them.  I find myself feeling like a deaf, blind and dumb man in my spiritual life some days I find myself   begrudgingly offering time to God, although I know that it is not my time to give but his.  I know that it is not my life to live but his and I know that it is only through him that my mind, heart and soul can be opened.  This is why I love lent.  Because it is a time when I and all the members of my church community come to the understanding that we are blind, deaf and dumb to God's call to us and we come to him asking for our eyes, ears and mouths to be opened in the hope of the resurrection. 

Pray

May this be a Holy lent, full of openings and new thin places.  Let my heart, eyes, mind, ears, soul and mouth be open to your love and your guidance O God.  Amen

Contemplate

15 minutes centering prayer

Psalm 8

Read: 

<sup>Psalm 8 


1</sup> O LORD our Governor, *
how exalted is your Name in all the world!
² Out of the mouths of infants and children *
your majesty is praised above the heavens.
³ You have set up a stronghold against your adversaries, *
to quell the enemy and the avenger.
⁴ When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, *
the moon and the stars you have set in their courses,
⁵ What is man that you should be mindful of him? *
the son of man that you should seek him out?
⁶ You have made him but little lower than the angels; *
you adorn him with glory and honor;
⁷ You give him mastery over the works of your hands; *
you put all things under his feet:
⁸ All sheep and oxen, *
even the wild beasts of the field,
⁹ The birds of the air, the fish of the sea, *
and whatsoever walks in the paths of the sea.
¹⁰ O LORD our Governor, *
how exalted is you Name in all the world!


Think :
Out of the mouths of infants and children your majesty is praised above the heavens.

What power our Lord gives to children.  Aren't we all children?  We pretend that at a certain age we gain wisdom and understanding and knowledge but in the end aren't we all just bickering children?  We fight over every living thing- from the best football team to the best nation from the stronger sex to the strongest element we are always looking to be the biggest, the best, the strongest, fastest, prettiest... I'm sick of it.  I wish I could just go back to being a child- I felt like when I was a child I didn't care who my friends were, it  didn't matter how much they got paid or what their work schedule was, or what they believed about politics or religion or anything else for that matter.  All that mattered when I was a kid was that my neighbors were my friends.

I think about the time I spent in New England, and I know that I remember it idyllically, riding bikes, playing red rover, having neighborhood picnics, playing barbies (Bobbies :)) and I wish I could go back to it because then it didn't matter what I did or who I was, what I wore or what I believed I knew that my friends were there for me and the same went for me

Isn't that what we are called to be as Christians children who don't care about the beliefs of one another rather care about one another and proclaim their only belief in the God who loves, creates, and governs over our first and last breath and every one in between. 

Pray:

Dear Lord help me not to pretend to be more than I am.  Help me to be a child of your praise and an infant in your care.  Amen

Contemplate
15 minutes meditation with the dog curled on my lap

Mark 9:14-29

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Mark 9:14-29

14 When they came to the disciples, they saw a great crowd around them, and some scribes arguing with them. 15When the whole crowd saw him, they were immediately overcome with awe, and they ran forward to greet him. 16He asked them, ‘What are you arguing about with them?’ 17Someone from the crowd answered him, ‘Teacher, I brought you my son; he has a spirit that makes him unable to speak; 18and whenever it seizes him, it dashes him down; and he foams and grinds his teeth and becomes rigid; and I asked your disciples to cast it out, but they could not do so.’ 19He answered them, ‘You faithless generation, how much longer must I be among you? How much longer must I put up with you? Bring him to me.’ 20And they brought the boy to him. When the spirit saw him, immediately it convulsed the boy, and he fell on the ground and rolled about, foaming at the mouth. 21Jesus asked the father, ‘How long has this been happening to him?’ And he said, ‘From childhood. 22It has often cast him into the fire and into the water, to destroy him; but if you are able to do anything, have pity on us and help us.’ 23Jesus said to him, ‘If you are able! All things can be done for the one who believes.’ 24Immediately the father of the child cried out, ‘I believe; help my unbelief!’ 25When Jesus saw that a crowd came running together, he rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, ‘You spirit that keeps this boy from speaking and hearing, I command you, come out of him, and never enter him again!’ 26After crying out and convulsing him terribly, it came out, and the boy was like a corpse, so that most of them said, ‘He is dead.’ 27But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him up, and he was able to stand. 28When he had entered the house, his disciples asked him privately, ‘Why could we not cast it out?’ 29He said to them, ‘This kind can come out only through prayer.’

Think

More often than not I feel over come by doubt especially when it comes to illness and healing and doctors and demons. My prayer echos that doubt.  In this way I feel more like the father in this account of healing than the disciples.  Jesus said to him, "If you are able! All things can be done for the one who believes." Immediately the father fo the child cried out, " I believe; help my unbelief!"  How often did I hear this prayer when I worked at the VA last summer, or some version of it, how often did I hear it while dealing with the illness of a family member.  How often do I pray this prayer myself, yet it appears that nothing happens, nothing changes, illnesses last, death comes, suffering continues.  And I find myself asking "Why could I not cast out that evil?" and Jesus' response to the disciples " This kind can come out only through prayer" leaves a lot to be desired.  Honestly, Jesus I pray, I pray hard, and I believe, why didn't you heal the person I love, or end their suffering on my behalf, aren't I your beloved child?  Or do you mean that only your prayer can save this wretched soul?  If so why not pray for everyone?  Why not pray for the hope of the hopeless?  Do we need to be active participants to receive relief?    I didn't think you worked in the qui pro quo manner. 

After taking a break and letting the dog out in the snow.  I must admit  I am frightened of this passage- I feel like this is the reason people don't take children to the doctor and think that prayer solves all illnesses, especially epilepsy.  I don't want to be able to heal people - I want medical professionals to be able to heal people, and I know the history that priests were the primary care physicians in earlier times, that priests were thought to have healing powers, but I appreciate that I don't have that expectation placed upon me.  But I also wish I could do more at the same time.  Is my prayer worthless? This is what this passage bubbles up in my mind.  Because my prayer isn't answered for healing but death comes is my prayer void?  Because my prayer for those who suffer hardship financially or socially doesn't become resolved in a year or two or three, does this mean I should stop praying?  I know it doesn't but I struggle and I pray that same prayer as the father today and every day. 

Pray

Dear Lord.  I believe; Help me in my unbelief!  Amen

Contemplate

Sitting in silence watching the snow  

Isaiah 56:1-8

Read

Isaiah 56:1-8

Thus says the LORD: Maintain justice, and do what is right, for soon my salvation will come, and my deliverance be revealed. 2Happy is the mortal who does this, the one who holds it fast, who keeps the sabbath, not profaning it, and refrains from doing any evil. 3 Do not let the foreigner joined to the LORD say, "The LORD will surely separate me from his people"; and do not let the eunuch say, "I am just a dry tree." 4For thus says the LORD: To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths, who choose the things that please me and hold fast my covenant, 5I will give, in my house and within my walls, a monument and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that shall not be cut off. 6And the foreigners who join themselves to the LORD, to minister to him, to love the name of the LORD, and to be his servants, all who keep the sabbath, and do not profane it, and hold fast my covenant 7these I will bring to my holy mountain, and make them joyful in my house of prayer; their burnt offerings and their sacrifices will be accepted on my altar; for my house shall be called a house of prayer for all peoples. 8Thus says the Lord GOD, who gathers the outcasts of Israel, I will gather others to them besides those already gathered.

Think

Maintain justice, and do what is right... To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths, ... and the foreigners who join themselves to the LORD...

The Lord does not belong to me, or my congregation, my diocese, my church - but to the Church at large is the Lord.  His justice endures beyond all things.  Beyond all divisions which we might create in our little lives.  The justice of the Lord does not depend on distinctions. 

Yesterday in the course that I teach there was a highly energized discussion centering around the simplified Natural Law Theory which comes through St Tomas' Aquinas' Summa Teologica.  The question centered around procreation as a natural inclination and one of the students assessed that this theory was homophobic.  I took pause at this and realized that it could be and has been interpreted this way.  Another student said yes it may be but it is also anti-barren women or sterile men who are unable to procreate.  I again took pause and thought this could be seen as true as well.  Finally I remembered what it is that I actually believe, and what the nature of procreation in my understanding is- pro-creation is that which is in favor of continuing the creation which God has given us, there are those who are called to raise plants and animals and there are those who are called to raise children.  There are those who are called to care for the fish of the sea and the birds of the air, and the very rocks need to be cared for and all of this is essential to maintain life as we know it in this world. 

So today when I read in Isaiah that Eunuchs are not excluded from Justice and foreigners are brought to the Holy Mountain of God I am comforted to know that the Lord is not only pro-Israel, but pro-creation as well, in all forms.  In all ways the Lord asks us to seek justice and maintain it.

Pray

In a world where justice is the equivalent to fairness, help us to remember that there is  more to justice than equal distribution of wealth.  Remember me Lord as the outsider who struggles with adoption and the eunuch who cannot participate in creation in the same way as the sons and daughters of the Son of Man.  Help me to remember that all are invited to the table to receive the love of God and the grace of the Lord Jesus Christ, not just those who look like me, believe like me, behave like me but everyone recieves grace in equally undeserved manners.  Amen

Contemplate

10 minutes centering prayer  

Mark 8: 27-38

Read:

Mark 8:27-38

27 Jesus went on with his disciples to the villages of Caesarea Philippi; and on the way he asked his disciples, ‘Who do people say that I am?’ 28And they answered him, ‘John the Baptist; and others, Elijah; and still others, one of the prophets.’ 29He asked them, ‘But who do you say that I am?’ Peter answered him, ‘You are the Messiah.’ 30And he sternly ordered them not to tell anyone about him. 31 Then he began to teach them that the Son of Man must undergo great suffering, and be rejected by the elders, the chief priests, and the scribes, and be killed, and after three days rise again. 32He said all this quite openly. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. 33But turning and looking at his disciples, he rebuked Peter and said, ‘Get behind me, Satan! For you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things.’ 34 He called the crowd with his disciples, and said to them, ‘If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 35For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. 36For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? 37Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? 38Those who are ashamed of me and of my words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of them the Son of Man will also be ashamed when he comes in the glory of his Father with the holy angels.’

Think:

You are the Messiah. I took a course in seminary this past year all about Messianic prophecy and I have to admit that I wouldn't think of Jesus as the messiah if I were expecting the prince, priest, or political powerhouse that was described by the prophets.  I am so grateful that I was not one of the disciples who he asked this question because I don't think I would have been able to make the leap from what was expected versus what was reality. Jesus is the Messiah.  I can claim that 2000 years later with a host of apostles, saints, martyrs and an uncountable number of Christians who came before myself.

Jesus is also the Son of Man who suffered for all of us, and was rejected by his community.  I thank him that he did that and I didn't have to because I am not nearly as strong as the Son of Man.

Pray:

Give me strength to stand up for what I believe in, for who I believe in, even when those in my community persecute and destroy.  Amen

Contemplate:

10 minutes centering prayer. 

Wisdom 3 :1-3

Read: 

But the souls of the righteous are in the hand of God,
and no torment will ever touch them.
² In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died,
and their departure was thought to be a disaster,
³ and their going from us to be their destruction;
but they are at peace. 

Think: 

Today we had a mass given in memory of my father in law and this was one of the passages.

In the eyes of the foolish they seemed to have died.  I was thinking as this was read, I wasn't thinking he was dead, I saw him dead.  I can only imagine what it must have been like to see Jesus dead, to bury him and then see him resurrected.  It made me think about how insane and how liberating it is to believe that resurrection isn't only possible but that it happened and because of it happening to Jesus' that some day it will happen for us all.  I'm not sure completely about a bodily resurrection for all people.  But I do believe in a spiritual resurrection and I do believe in a spiritual renewal and a chance to be reunited with the rest of the beloved creation of God.

Pray: 

Dear God, Thank you for the give of resurrection.  Help me to remember that it isn't hocus pocus but the reality of life.  That we are your creation and that in your time you will bring us into oneness and completeness through the Son and the Holy Spirit.   Amen

Contemplation: 

I've been thinking about this all morning churning the thought in the back of my head.  How foolish it seems to believe in the resurrection, but how foolish it is to think that death is the end.  

Psalm 62

Read

Psalm 62  

For God alone my soul in silence waits; *
from him comes my salvation.
² He alone is my rock and my salvation, *
my stronghold, so that I shall not be greatly shaken.
³ How long will you assail me to crush me,
all of you together, *
as if you were a leaning fence, a toppling wall?
⁴ They seek only to bring me down from my place of honor; *
lies are their chief delight.
⁵ They bless with their lips, *
but in their hearts they curse.
⁶ For God alone my soul in silence waits; *
truly, my hope is in him.
⁷ He alone is my rock and my salvation, *
my stronghold, so that I shall not be shaken.
⁸ In God is my safety and my honor; *
God is my strong rock and my refuge.
⁹ Put your trust in him always, O people, *
pour out your hearts before him, for God is our refuge.
¹⁰ Those of high degree are but a fleeting breath, *
even those of low estate cannot be trusted.
¹¹ On the scales they are lighter than a breath, *
all of them together.
¹² Put no trust in extortion;
in robbery take no empty pride; *
though wealth increase, set not your heart upon it.
¹³ God has spoken once, twice have I heard it, *
that power belongs to God.
¹⁴ Steadfast love is yours, O Lord, *
for you repay everyone according to his deeds.

Think

For God alone my soul in silence waits...

I have been waiting, searching, looking frantically for something. I'm not sure what I am looking for, its like when I miss place my keys and I know that I had them once, not to long ago and I frantically tear the room apart looking for them but they are no where to be seen.  I know that this is not the way to find God however, frantically screaming "here I am God, come and talk to me" talk to me now God, because I need to hear your voice.  This is not the way that God works in our lives.  Unfortunately, because if it were I would be having daily dialogues with the Almighty. 
For God alone my soul in silence waits...
How often is my soul in silence?  Really? Not as often as I wish it were.  Not as often as I could see it happen, how often is my soul instead ignored, placed in a corner without anyone willing to come and rescue it.  How can I be searching what I need, knowing what I need and ignoring what I need simultaneously?  It's called being human.  There are things that demand immediate attention, and there are other things that are seemingly secondary... but I have my priorities reversed. 
For God alone my soul in silence waits...

This week was the first time since putting this resolution into effect that I wasn't able/ didn't make time to sit in silence and it has left me feeling hungry and frantic.



Pray

Dear Lord, Give me strength to quiet my mind, and silence my soul so that I can hear your voice daily.  Remind me of the primacy of your love.  Remind me of the necessity of your love.  Remind me that all power belongs to you.  Amen

Contemplate

30 minutes centering prayer 

Mark 7:24-37

Read

Mark 7: 24- 37 ()

24 From there he set out and went away to the region of Tyre. He entered a house and did not want anyone to know he was there. Yet he could not escape notice, 25but a woman whose little daughter had an unclean spirit immediately heard about him, and she came and bowed down at his feet. 26Now the woman was a Gentile, of Syrophoenician origin. She begged him to cast the demon out of her daughter. 27He said to her, 'Let the children be fed first, for it is not fair to take the children's food and throw it to the dogs.' 28But she answered him, 'Sir, even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs.' 29Then he said to her, 'For saying that, you may go-the demon has left your daughter.' 30So she went home, found the child lying on the bed, and the demon gone.

Think





I know that my understanding of how to treat a dog is different than Jesus' or this woman's perspective.  In the 1st century they weren't sharing their beds with dogs, or feeding them organic filler free food, actually according to an interview I heard on NPR recently dogs might not have even been "domesticated" at this point, at least not in the same way my pet is.  Actually in parts of the world keeping a dog is still considered odd.  But I know that how I treat a dog influences how I read this story.  Jesus compares this woman to a dog.  I'm not sure if he is referring to her as such because she is a Gentile, or because she is a woman, or both.  But I'm drawn to defend Jesus, and say but he was tired, he has been healing people all day, and he went away so that he could get some rest and this woman show up and harassed him about a girl.  But that isn't quite right.  Something is wrong in this story and it is unsettling to me.  I don't want "my" Jesus to be short tempered, or mean or angry with a woman for the sake of being a woman, I want my Jesus to be broad minded, kind and patient.  This passage reminds me that the Son of Man is not "my" Jesus, but is Jesus, at heart he is a Jewish man and a product of his time and experience.  If Jesus were incarnate at a different time and in a different place, he would have had a different experience similar to this.  After all, human beings are subject to all kinds of different influences in their lives.  Nature and nurture and all of that. 

I can't help but put myself in the shoes of the woman, after all I am a gentile, and I am a woman.  I can't imagine I would have the cajones to say to Jesus what she said to Jesus.  "Sir even the dogs under the table eat the children's crumbs." 

 Pray

Jesus, you are not mine to understand and you are not mine to hold in my own imagination.  You were flesh and blood and you were part of a culture I can hardly understand.  Allow me the grace to misunderstand your teaching and grant me patience to treat others with the respect and dignity they deserve.  All people, in all places at all times deserve your love and understanding, not just me and people like me, but all people.  We are your beloved creation even if sometimes we don't live up to our own expectations we are all fed by the crumbs off your table.

Contemplate: 

Nap time with Indy, remembering even the dogs get crumbs. 

Psalm 40

Read: 

 Psalm 40


¹I waited patiently upon the LORD; *
he stooped to me and heard my cry.
² He lifted me out of the desolate pit, out of the mire and clay; *
he set my feet upon a high cliff and made my footing sure.
³ He put a new song in my mouth,
a song of praise to our God; *
many shall see, and stand in awe,
and put their trust in the LORD.
⁴ Happy are they who trust in the LORD! *
they do not resort to evil spirits or turn to false gods.
⁵ Great things are they that you have done, O LORD my God!
how great your wonders and your plans for us! *
there is none who can be compared with you.
⁶ Oh, that I could make them known and tell them! *
but they are more than I can count.
⁷ In sacrifice and offering you take no pleasure *
(you have given me ears to hear you);
⁸ Burnt-offering and sin-offering you have not required, *
and so I said, "Behold, I come.
⁹ In the roll of the book it is written concerning me: *
'I love to do your will, O my God;
your law is deep in my heart.'"
¹⁰ I proclaimed righteousness in the great congregation; *
behold, I did not restrain my lips;
and that, O LORD, you know.
¹¹ Your righteousness have I not hidden in my heart;
I have spoken of your faithfulness and your deliverance; *
I have not concealed your love and faithfulness from the great congregation.
¹² You are the LORD;
do not withhold your compassion from me; *
let your love and your faithfulness keep me safe for ever,
¹³ For innumerable troubles have crowded upon me;
my sins have overtaken me, and I cannot see; *
they are more in number than the hairs of my head,
and my heart fails me.
¹⁴ Be pleased, O LORD, to deliver me; *
O LORD, make haste to help me.
¹⁵Let them be ashamed and altogether dismayed
who seek after my life to destroy it; *
let them draw back and be disgraced who take pleasure in my misfortune.
¹⁶ Let those who say "Aha!" and gloat over me be confounded, *
because they are ashamed.
¹⁷ Let all who seek you rejoice in you and be glad; *
let those who love your salvation continually say,
"Great is the LORD!"
¹⁸ Though I am poor and afflicted, *
the Lord will have regard for me.
¹⁹ You are my helper and my deliverer; *
do not tarry, O my God.

Think:
In 2007, I had never been involved in a single event as a youth or a chaperone on the Diocesan level (other than being an acolyte at the bishop's installation a decade before).  The opportunity came across my desk to chaperone the Senior High Mission Trip to New Orleans.  I wasn't expecting it to change my life so drastically.  I thought, well I'll get to see New Orleans and do some work to rebuild after Katrina and I have 2 weeks vacation to take and my family only has one trip planned so I might as well go.  I am reminded of this because the theme for the week centered on this psalm.  Every night we recited it in our evening prayers, no matter how hot, or tired or dirty we were.  Every night we were reminded of the physical rescuing that took place only a few blocks from the church where we were sleeping on the floor of their parish hall.  Every night we were reminded of our own need to be rescued from the dangers and snares of this life. Every night I learned more about the spiritual life of these 16 teenagers and everynight I was drawn closer to understanding my call to ministry.  It was through them that I was pulled out of my own pit, my own desolate and isolated ministry in the church office.  It was through their inspiration that I left the clerical ministry and went into pastoral ministry, it was through them that God began to show me my skill and talent (which I am still reticent to claim) with working with teens and young adults.  It was because of them that I was able to recognize that the law of the Lord was indeed written upon my hear and I was able to call out to him, and be delivered from my distress. 
Today 6 years, 10 retreats, 3 mission trips, some provincial youth events and a National Youth Event later I am preparing to go on yet another Diocesan Event.  I will sleep on the floor, I will be sore, I will be tired, but I will be refreshed in my call to ministry tomorrow and the day after and the day after, because there is a new crop of teenagers who will learn the scriptures, who will learn about their faith in community in a way that I didn't get the chance to until I was in my late 20's.  Today I remember that I was in the darkness and God saved me.  Today I remember that it wasn't some giant hand from the sky that reached down and scooped me out of the pit, but a series of events which showed me the way into the light, through the seemingly and most unlikely of places, the floor of a parish hall in New Orleans. 


Prayer:


Thank you, God for saving me.  Thank you for sending ministers in all shapes and sizes, ages races and intelligences.  Thank you for loving me and loving all our creation.  Thank you for sending me into the world to extend a hand to those who are in need of help getting out of their own pits.  Amen

Contemplation:

I am sure that I won't have much time for silence today- but I will try to spend time recognizing the gifts and talents of the teens I will be surrounded by tonight.